Reflections
by eprime
Summary: Hogwarts Era. Sirius confronts James over what he did. Remus/James, Remus/Sirius.


It would have been easier if they had been drunk, but they hadn't been. Sirius couldn't really blame Remus in any case. He could be angry, and he could be hurt (shriveled up inside with a bone-deep dread beating a tempo in chest-don't leave, please don't leave me), and he could take himself off to a little-traveled corner of the castle and fucking cry until his eyes were red because the map was gone and no one would know where to look for him. Still, it was a bit rich coming from him, and as much as he wished he could have the satisfaction of righteous indignation when it came to Remus, it simply didn't-couldn't-exist.

James was a different story. That was the betrayal that cut deepest because it was so-Sirius won't say undeserved-but unexpected. That James, his James; friend, brother, other half, would do this cut him deeply and filled him with a white hot anger that made him want to hurt James, not with the distant coolness of a murmured hex, but with fists and teeth and nails.

James wasn't sorry, either. Every occupant of the common room stared as Sirius yanked James out of the armchair where he'd been playing chess with Peter. (Remus was noticeably absent.) James merely shoved him away and met Sirius' furious gaze coolly.

"Upstairs," Sirius bit out, he didn't wait for James to answer. Instead he spun on his heel and headed up the stairs without looking back. He knew James would follow.

"Why did you do it?" Sirius asked when the door shut behind James. He wanted to scream. _How could you? How you could you do this to me?_.

"Lily is finally ready to give you the time of day. You know it, so why? Why now? Why Remus?"

Whatever Sirius was expecting, it wasn't what came out of James' mouth next.

"You and Lily. She told me."

Sirius went cold with shock, but he was good at bluffing. "She told you _what_?" His voice held a sneer.

"She told me how the two of you fucked each other in her bed while everyone else was in Hogsmeade."

James was smiling, talking in a mild, conversational tone as if he hadn't just delivered a sucker punch to the gut, and Sirius was reeling with the revelation. He struggled to start breathing properly again, guilt and fury and sorrow battling it out within him.

Fury won. "So you decided you'd fuck Remus, then?" Never more had Sirius wanted to wipe the arrogant smile off of James' smug face more so than at this moment. "Use him as part of your petty little revenge fantasy? Is that it?" James' smile faltered for the first time. "What did _he_ ever do to you?"

"This isn't about him. It's about you." James lashed out, slamming his fist against the nearest bedpost. "You fucked Lily."

"Last _year_," Sirius shouted. "_Once_. She was the only who would still talk to me. I was so...so fucked up, and I didn't mean-Christ-you weren't even together, James. It's not the same thing."

"You knew how I felt! She was mine!"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Sirius shot James a look of disgust. "It's no wonder she thinks you're a conceited toerag. And I can't believe you'd use Remus like that."

He could see the guilt James tried to conceal under a knowing smirk. "You're just mad that he wanted _me_. I fucked your boyfriend because you couldn't keep him happy."

His stomach gave a sharp, visceral lurch and the despair beat louder in his chest. Sirius launched himself at James, and he swung hard and wildly, connecting with the side of James' jaw. The pain flared in his knuckles as James hit the ground. With a cry of rage, he was up on his feet in seconds, and the two of them threw a flurry of punches and curses, eventually tumbling to the floor in a tight knot, grappling for the upper hand.

"How dare you," Sirius gasped in furious bursts of air. "You fucking cunt." He was straddling James, hands tangled in his short, messy hair, and banging the back of James' head against the floor with each word. "You _used_ him."

"He wanted it," James growled. "He wanted me. Begged me to fuck him in the end."

"Liar! You sodding piece of shit." Sirius slammed James' head hard.

"Well, I told him, of course, about your little indiscretion with Lily. He wasn't too pleased," James said with faux sympathy, grinning at Sirius through a split lip that was beginning to drip blood down his chin. "And I _might_ have led him to believe it happened only recently."

"_Bastard_." Fisting one hand in the front of James' robes, Sirius lifted him and slammed his fist into his cheekbone. "You have everything. Everything." The last word was almost a sob. "You have the perfect family. Perfect fucking life. You'll have Lily if you just reach out your hand to take her." One last head slam, and Sirius rolled off to curl up against his knees, breathing heavily into the space between them.

"You don't love Remus. You don't _need_ Remus. And you sure as fuck don't want him. But you had to take him, didn't you? Is it worth it? Feel better that you've punished me and fucked with him?"

"I didn't-" James said falteringly.

"You didn't-you didn't what? Fuck with him? Oh, you know you did. And that's exactly what Moony needs, isn't it? Another person he trusted to have fucked him over like he was nothing, a fucking tool."

James went white.

"Christ, we're like fucking bludgers and Moony is the target."

"I...I didn't think."

"Clearly."

Bruised and bleeding, they stared at each other. Mirrors reflecting everything they didn't want to see.


End file.
